Thursday, December 10, 2009

"I am not a tragedy," says Chana

Sure, she'd like to get married eventually, but:
  • She'd like to ". . . marry that person at a time when we shall be financially stable, when I know my own mind, when I am mature and certain that I can live happily and healthily with that person. I want to create and cultivate a family and raise them with as much love and joy and thought as my parents raised me. Thus, I want to marry the right person at the proper time, whenever that may be. "
  • If she never marries, it won't be the end of the world--and the Orthodox community should stop acting as if would be.

Read the rest here.


Anonymous jdub said...

Whatever. She's 20. We'll see how she feels about being single in a family oriented community when she grows up and is 40 and single. I've got friends in that position and none of them are happy about it.

Fri Dec 11, 08:36:00 AM 2009  
Anonymous jdub said...

Incidentally, I don't disagree that it's more important to marry the right person at the right time than to marry someone because of some artificial expiration date. I just think that as a 20 year old, who is still wet behind the ears, she should probably keep her mouth shut about an issue that is sensitive to many older people.

Fri Dec 11, 10:30:00 AM 2009  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

It's no picnic being 40 and single in a family-oriented community, I imagine. But Chana also said "My sorrow, should it exist, is my own, not the fodder for discussions behind the mechitza." I think she has a point. Let her discuss her situation with her own friends and family, if, and only if, she wishes. A person's private life should be none of anyone else's business unless that person choses to share information regarding that private life, and an individual has a right to decide for herself or himself whether his/her situation is "tragic."

You may have a point, though, about her being insensitive to the feelings of older singles.

Fri Dec 11, 10:36:00 AM 2009  
Anonymous jdub said...

"My sorrow, should it exist, is my own, not the fodder for discussions behind the mechitza."

No, it will be fodder for her self-absorbed blog. I've got a number of friends who are at or nearing 40 and single (although most are divorced). Ask them how they feel about being single. It's not nearly the self-satisfied feeling that Chana describes. It's an incredibly lonely existence.

I think that her "I don't have an expiration date" thought is fine. But to go all Virginia Woolf on singlehood is a bit immature and insensitive to others.

Fri Dec 11, 10:41:00 AM 2009  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

"It's an incredibly lonely existence." I was 28, my husband 35 when we married, so we're both been there and done that. But at least we will have enjoyed a few decades together before one of us has to live that lonely existence again.

Fri Dec 11, 10:50:00 AM 2009  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

" . . . it will be fodder for her self-absorbed blog." JDub, give Chana a break--self-absorption is what blogs are for. :)

Sat Dec 12, 09:47:00 PM 2009  
Anonymous jdub said...

ok, granted. But there's nothing like the self-absorption of a just barely out of her teens girl who thinks she has it all figured out. As I rapidly approach my 40's I think I've figured out that I don't have anything figured out other than that I really want the Beatles box set.

Mon Dec 14, 08:15:00 AM 2009  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Nu, and when *you* were 20, didn't you think *you'd* figured it all out? :)

Mon Dec 14, 10:33:00 AM 2009  
Anonymous jdub said...

Indeed. I just wasn't self-absorbed enough to tell anyone about it. Who would care?

Mon Dec 14, 05:18:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Oh, come on, JDub, give Chana a break.

Tue Dec 15, 08:43:00 AM 2009  
Anonymous jdub said...

for you, ok. I'll stop grumping about it.

Tue Dec 15, 11:37:00 AM 2009  

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