"I am not a tragedy," says Chana
Sure, she'd like to get married eventually, but:
- She'd like to ". . . marry that person at a time when we shall be financially stable, when I know my own mind, when I am mature and certain that I can live happily and healthily with that person. I want to create and cultivate a family and raise them with as much love and joy and thought as my parents raised me. Thus, I want to marry the right person at the proper time, whenever that may be. "
- If she never marries, it won't be the end of the world--and the Orthodox community should stop acting as if would be.
Read the rest here.
posted by Shira Salamone at 4:29 PM
11 Comments:
Whatever. She's 20. We'll see how she feels about being single in a family oriented community when she grows up and is 40 and single. I've got friends in that position and none of them are happy about it.
Incidentally, I don't disagree that it's more important to marry the right person at the right time than to marry someone because of some artificial expiration date. I just think that as a 20 year old, who is still wet behind the ears, she should probably keep her mouth shut about an issue that is sensitive to many older people.
It's no picnic being 40 and single in a family-oriented community, I imagine. But Chana also said "My sorrow, should it exist, is my own, not the fodder for discussions behind the mechitza." I think she has a point. Let her discuss her situation with her own friends and family, if, and only if, she wishes. A person's private life should be none of anyone else's business unless that person choses to share information regarding that private life, and an individual has a right to decide for herself or himself whether his/her situation is "tragic."
You may have a point, though, about her being insensitive to the feelings of older singles.
"My sorrow, should it exist, is my own, not the fodder for discussions behind the mechitza."
No, it will be fodder for her self-absorbed blog. I've got a number of friends who are at or nearing 40 and single (although most are divorced). Ask them how they feel about being single. It's not nearly the self-satisfied feeling that Chana describes. It's an incredibly lonely existence.
I think that her "I don't have an expiration date" thought is fine. But to go all Virginia Woolf on singlehood is a bit immature and insensitive to others.
"It's an incredibly lonely existence." I was 28, my husband 35 when we married, so we're both been there and done that. But at least we will have enjoyed a few decades together before one of us has to live that lonely existence again.
" . . . it will be fodder for her self-absorbed blog." JDub, give Chana a break--self-absorption is what blogs are for. :)
ok, granted. But there's nothing like the self-absorption of a just barely out of her teens girl who thinks she has it all figured out. As I rapidly approach my 40's I think I've figured out that I don't have anything figured out other than that I really want the Beatles box set.
Nu, and when *you* were 20, didn't you think *you'd* figured it all out? :)
Indeed. I just wasn't self-absorbed enough to tell anyone about it. Who would care?
Oh, come on, JDub, give Chana a break.
for you, ok. I'll stop grumping about it.
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